One down, 14 to go. Super hot here in upstate New York - 92 yesterday - so easy to eat well because it's too hot to eat! Am having four or five small balanced meals - that's what works best for me. Off to have fruit and a protein for breakfast and then to sweat my way through the day. Yuck.

Last night i watched a new show on tv - another weight related show. On this one a trainer spends a year with a morbidly obese person in the hope of bringing them back to help. The woman last night weighed in at 379 and ended up at 209. the trainer gave her goals to achieve for the first six months, the next three months and the final three months. He taught her both nutrition and exercise. She did great in the first six months, missed her goal almost completely the second session and progressed futher - but not to goal - for the final session. Losing 170 pounds in a year is impressive. She sturggled with living at home and not getting the nutritional support she needed from her family members who also needed to lose weight but wouldn't give up their comfort foods. She did go to the gym and put in her time but I don't think she came to terms with her issues about food, and I see her as someone who a year from now, will swell back up to those almost 400 pounds. And I understand how it happens as this shift in numbers happens to me all the time - not such a huge swing but 40 down, 40 up, ten down, 15 up, 12 down 8 up. The most difficult thing about losing weight is staying consistent. Not getting bored. Not giving up.
I'm working my plan again, working out and eating right. Nice time of year to eat this way with all of the great farmer's market veggies and fruits available now. I have once again sworn off refined sugar as it is my nemesis and my slippery slope back to binge eating. 26 pounds down, 76 to go. Like the show last night, I'm going to give myself some time frames and small goals on my way to the bigger overall loss. So before July 16th (when I go on vacation.) which is 46 days away, I would lilke to lose 15 pounds. I think it's reasonable - and I'll keep you posted. 

I watched OWN network's Addicted to Food last night - have missed a few weeks so got caught up - and I have to say - it makes me feel incredibly normal. The women on this show have such huge present day issues - they make my life seem normal, normal, normal. I think my eating disorder is about events in the past because my current life is pretty damn good. But many of the women on this show (there is one guy) have such dysfunctional family lives. One woman who is an anorexic is 45 and unable to support herself and her two children and relies on her elderly parents for financial support. She was demanding that her father tell her that he love her. I think he's been telling her that through his wallet for years. Another woman wants to leave because it was family week and neither her husband or her sister would come and visit her. Another woman was terrified of her family's visit because at 45 she had yet to come out to them as a lesbian. And states that she is a virgin. Whew. Another one blames her mother for the sexual molestation she suffered. Her mom has apologized over and over again for not rescuing her, but she is too wrapped up in being a victim to hear the apology and is inflicting all of this damage on her sweet and smart teenage daughter.
My abuse happened in my childhood at the hands of people I no longer have to see. I have created a wonderful life - happy marriage, successful and happy kids, challenging and exciting career. I was able to break the cycle of abuse and for that I am extremely proud and happy. Still can't figure out why I eat to calm a problem or a need that is long over - but at least the life I created was not affected by the abuses of my childhood. Except of course for my struggle with food and weight.

Tonights' challenge on The Biggest Loser is always my favorite. The contestants have to strap back on all the weight they've lost - tonight in weighted golf clubs - and then they walked an 18 hole golf course and put the weight they lost in week one in hole one, and so on. At the beginning of the challenge, all of the contestants talked about how much pain they were in trying to carry their lost weight all over again. Knees, back, neck, arms, feet, legs. I know the aches they are talking about. many of the contestants from other seasons say that this show was the defining show for them - the show that proved to them that they would never gain the weight back - never be back in that position again. 

I've been doing squats taught to me by my good friend Kathy. When I have a few moments I bend my knees and drop my butt as if I were about to sit. I do as many as I can. And then a bit later in the day I'll do another set. I told her that I'm concerned about how weak my legs are - I dont' want to grow to be this old woman who - like my mother - can't get out of her chair without assistance. So I'm working on regaining the strength in my legs.