Had an excellent day yesterday. Woke up to 208 which was a nice surprise. Had a great day - an optimistic day - thinking about how well my plan is going and how well I am doing. Ate well all day - small meals, well balanced. Then I woke up today and weighed 210. What??????????? Now intelellectually I know that it's just an odd bump and that given time and patience and the plan it will go away. But something happened today - I didn't react intellectually - I reacted emotionally. First there was whining - the oh poor me kind of whining. And then I was pissy - the oh poor me kind of pissy. Ate well this morning. Went in to work for a while. Stopped at a convenience store and bought Snack Wells. That's a package of four low fat cookies and it is not something that I should every buy because they look like cookies and they smell like cookies and they taste like cookies. So I bought them and ate them. And came home wanting more. So I ate an orange. Which didn't do it. And I had yogurt which didn't do it. And so I made fat free popcorn and that didn't do it. So then I ate ice cream. I chose to eat ice cream. Lots of it. It's been in the freezer for ever and hasn't been calling to me at all but today it called and I listened and I ate ice cream - something I haven't had in months and months. I won't lie - it tasted great. But it doesn't feel good now. It feels like all of the old remorse and guilt I used to feel at the end of a binger's day. Although this binge today was mild in comparison and I was actually able to stop it - it was a binge. The first in months. And I'm sad about that. Sad that I broke my record of sobriety. Sad that I fell off the wagon. And scared that I will do it again. But I'm admitting that I did it so I'm owning it. And I've got a plan for tomorrow. There are all kinds of people who can't do or have certain things. I need to get over myself and accept that fact that I can't have sugar in any form.
And so tomorrow is another day. Another chance to get it right. Another chance for sobriety and to reclaim my health.