I'm having trouble getting going again. Nothing seriously horrible happening - just not losing. Maintaining this 206. Summertime = outdoor food available almost all of the time and alcohol available almost all of the time. But!!! exercise is also available as well. Almost all of the time. Gotta get back to it - protein, fruit, veggie, whole grain, water, move my butt. What in the world is stopping me? I seem to make bad choices one little bit at a time. But they add up, of course. One little bite of that, one little drink of this and suddenly it's a day full of too much. I'm happy that I'm not gaining. Very happy. But I seem to keep standing in my own way of getting to my goal. I'm not mad at me or depressed. More - curious. As to the whys of this constant self-interrupt. Self sabotage.
Perhaps I need to take some time every morning to sort this all out. To make some decisions about the day. To center myself. To rededicate myself to the plan, to the effort. I've never tried meditation - not even sure how to do that. But maybe taking a few moments every morning to truly consider, will help me stay on the path. So much of life is passed through without thought - you move through the day, doing errands, doing chores, chatting with people, - but so much of that time just sort of disappears. I'm sounding a little bit Oprah-ish here, but I think I need to be more present in my life and then perhaps it won't be so easy to sabotage myself. If I make myself more aware of ME and what I'm doing it will be harder to step off the plan.
There is a constant chatter in my head - STILL - about food. I think it's always been there - maybe it always will be there. A little bit of interior brain dialogue about what's in the fridge, what's in the cupboard, what can I have, where can I get it. A desperate little feed me cry. And sometimes it breaks through and takes over and I eat. Must be the same for people who take drugs, drink too much, gamble, shop. We're all trying to fill a need. Fill ourselves with something.
As my friend recenlty said, "time to put my big girl pants on and get over myself."