I remember a long time ago Dr. Phil saying that everything is based on perception. And I suppose he is correct. But it gets really screwey when it comes to a weight loss program. There is all the denial perception stuff that goes on when you're really heavy. Stuff like, "I'll start tomorrow." or "I can have just this one more (donut, burger, fries, candy, cake, cookie, all of it)" or "What difference does it make what I weigh?" And then there is all the perception stuff that goes on when you start losing. And right now I am knee deep in another stage of screwed up perceptions. Because I thought I was looking pretty good. Size 16's feeling a bit loose. Over 60 pounds gone. Looking good! And then I looked at some recent pictures of myself and they picked up my current perception and slammed it right on its wrong nosed head. Wow. One picture is of me sitting in a chair in shorts and my thighs look like overstuffed sausages. Over-over-stuffed. And the next photo - same chair - but now I'm leaning sort of sideways and you get the sausages along with the now obvious upper tummy roll. Lumps and bumps and way too much of me. Still.
My first reaction was sadness. Oh, poor me. Then mad. What? I did all this work and that's what I look like? Still? But then I kept scrolling through the pictures and there were some nicer ones of me. Better angles I guess. Better perceptions. And the resolve started to return. The urge to keep going no matter what. I'm so glad that it does return now. That the sad/mad/pity party is fleeting and that the resolve is stronger than the old pattern. Not always and not immediately, but eventually it comes back and I get back up, dust myself (and my sausage thighs) off and get back on the plan. Forever more. I still have 35 pounds to lose. That's a lot of weight to still be carrying around. In fact, on most BMI scales I still show up as 'very overweight' or that word I hate to even type - obese.
I need to continue to focus on what I have accomplished, instead of on the lumps and bumps that remain. I need to focus on the good photos so that my own perception stays in the positive range.