Whew! I was so scared that yesterday was going to turn into a binge of massive proportions. But it didn't. I had a balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner and some reasonable snacks. About 1200 calories. And a walk. And forgiveness for yesterday. And water. All the right stuff. But the most important tool was the forgiveness part. Telling myself that it is ok to screw up big time. That I can screw up here and there and now and then and still keep this weight off and still keep losing, still keep getting healthy. That is so different from my weight loss efforts of the past where if I had a slip up - I'd fall back quickly into old habits. I'd give up so easily at the first transgression and then all the weight I had lost would come back along with an additional ten or fifteen unwanted pounds. But not this time. It's almost as if the habit of my plan is stronger than the habit of the binge. Which means I'm winning. Which is very cool.
When I was at work today I passed a woman in the hallway. She was wearing knee length shorts. Her calves seemed to explode out of the pants because they were so incredibly heavy. Crisscrossed with vericose veins, they looked swollen and painful - the skin stretched so tight it looked like it would burst. She made her way slowly down the hallway, her body lurching from side to side as she struggled to walk. And there was another woman who had several rolls above her stomach - pounds and pounds and pounds all dragging around with her every day. Those are my pictures of what I could become if I don't continue to live my plan. I know how quickly I gain weight back - so from here to where those women are is not all that long a time - just a whole lot of eating - a whole lot of binging. I don't think less of those women - of how obese they have become - because I know inside they are just like me and that right now for them, food is in charge of them. I'm so grateful for the control I have been able to find and so grateful for the opportunity to regain and own my own health.