Watching the Biggest Loser. And feeling pretty good about my big old self. At 5' 9" and 230 I'd be considered one of the 'smaller' women. The stories of the contestants are so inspiring. And I understand how they all managed to get to be 250, 350, 450, over 500 pounds. They did it one order of french fries at a time. One carton of icecream at a time. One pound at a time. And pretty soon you've packed on an extra 50, 60, 90, 100 pounds. January is of course for making resolutions. And I've been avoiding making mine. Because it's always about weight and I was hoping that this year I wouldn't have to have a resolution about weight - again. But I'm watching these people on TV face their demons and I need to face mine, too. I need to quit pretending that I'm going to the gym. I've been doing that lately. Get all suited up, grab the sneakers and the bag, head out the door as if I'm going to work out but instead I go to Tim Hortons and get something to eat. Sit at a corner table and read the paper and do the puzzles and eat. And then go home as if I've been to the gym. So now that I've admitted the lie, I have to face that, too. Time to make those trips to the gym really end up at the gym. Time to face up to all of the calories that are making their way into my mouth, instead of blaming my 230 pounds on someone other than the person that's making the spoon, fork, hand, go into my mouth over and over again. Time to face it. So I my New Year's Resolution is to quit lying to myself, quit faking it. Do the cardio and put the spoon down.