I watched OWN network's Addicted to Food last night - have missed a few weeks so got caught up - and I have to say - it makes me feel incredibly normal. The women on this show have such huge present day issues - they make my life seem normal, normal, normal. I think my eating disorder is about events in the past because my current life is pretty damn good. But many of the women on this show (there is one guy) have such dysfunctional family lives. One woman who is an anorexic is 45 and unable to support herself and her two children and relies on her elderly parents for financial support. She was demanding that her father tell her that he love her. I think he's been telling her that through his wallet for years. Another woman wants to leave because it was family week and neither her husband or her sister would come and visit her. Another woman was terrified of her family's visit because at 45 she had yet to come out to them as a lesbian. And states that she is a virgin. Whew. Another one blames her mother for the sexual molestation she suffered. Her mom has apologized over and over again for not rescuing her, but she is too wrapped up in being a victim to hear the apology and is inflicting all of this damage on her sweet and smart teenage daughter.
My abuse happened in my childhood at the hands of people I no longer have to see. I have created a wonderful life - happy marriage, successful and happy kids, challenging and exciting career. I was able to break the cycle of abuse and for that I am extremely proud and happy. Still can't figure out why I eat to calm a problem or a need that is long over - but at least the life I created was not affected by the abuses of my childhood. Except of course for my struggle with food and weight.