Another good day. But for a while there I thought I was going to go off track. There were potato chips in the cupboard. 11 ounce bag. Unopened. And I was home alone with them. You know that smell you get when you open a fresh bag of chips? Sort of salty and oceany and wonderfully thick. And then the taste of the first one. All that lovely salt melting on your mouth. Especially if it's a rolled over chip - like a potato chip hot dog bun. So the chips were in the cupboard calling to me. And lots of times before they've won. Too many to count. But you have to plan for something like that so you don't get caught. Most o us binge eaters do it alone in full denail of a problem. And so we hide the evidence from the people who love us the most.  If it's night time and everyone else is asleep and you know you can get more chips the next day before anyone notices that you ate them, then you can attack them. Eat the whole bag. Or leave a few and tape the top shut like they've never been opened. Then you run out, buy more chips and add them to the bag. Remove the tape and it looks like you just had a few. Or just replace the whole bag. But once you've eaten the chips then you start longing for something sweet. Chocolate. Lots of it. Lots of it fast. So first the salt and then the sweet. If I try to picture myself doing that - run a video in my head of myself eating all of that - it grosses me out. And the look on my face - I'm not really even there. Not enjoying it. Just stuffing one chip after another into my face. Sometimes whole handfuls. For what? What am I trying to fill? Or cover? or soothe? I'm not sure yet but it's one of the many things I'll be thinking about as I move forward on this journey back to health. Because the trouble with following salt with sugar is that it just leads you back to the salt. A vicious cycle. A death sentence.