Did you see the first night of Season Nine? Wow - the heartbreak of those public weigh ins! Could you do that? I'm not so sure I could. I mean, I'm writing my weight every day in this blog for all to see - but whipping my shirt off? climbing up on the scale in a sports bra and shorts with all my lumps and bumps and rolls hanging out? Humbling. A few days ago I wrote about Debbie Allen suggesting that people look at themselves in the mirror buck naked every day so that you can't hide anything. Can't pretend to be smaller than you are. Can't let denial cover how much food you've been eating. How little exercise you've been doing. These people did that in front of everyone they knew. Enormous courage. And then they get to the ranch and have to do a marathon on a bicycle day one. Did you see the determination on the green team? Whew! They went all out. And then the desparation on the father on the yellow team when he thought he had failed his daughter. And that first workout? the sweat, the puke, the screaming, the crying. And the size of the people. Twin brothers weighing in at almost half a ton. That one guy over five hundred pounds. Makes me look tiny. But it's all the same disease whether we're 238.5 (today's weigh in) or over five hundred. It's using food to fill some need, to heal some hidden pain, to put us into a food coma so we don't have to deal with whatever the emotion is that we're trying to avoid feeling.  Loneliness, anger, boredom, abandonment, grief, misery, depression. Jillian scares the hell out of me, but I love that she laces all of her barking with tender mercies. And gentle guru Bob who thinks he's a tough guy.  And then they send the one twin home and in two months he loses one hundred pounds. Which means he's still close to 400 - but still - 100 in a month. He talked about not having to worry about working - not sure why he doesn't have the money worries most of us have - but that allows him to pretty much work out all day long. I'd settle for ten a month. What I'm taking away from Tuesday night's show is that if these people - some of whom are so much heavier than I am - can face their fears - can realize thier dream of regaining their health after so many years without it - then so can I.